In my last post, I shared how I was driving down a road I’ve been on countless times before—a road that always brings back memories. Not necessarily bad ones, but definitely not good ones either. It takes me back to a time when I was living in a way I’m not proud of, a time when I was much more of a sinner than I am now.

So today, I found myself on that same road again, and as usual, I started feeling down, thinking about the mistakes I made back then. And I had to ask myself: if this happens every time I go down this road, if I know it’s going to trigger these thoughts, why do I keep doing it? It’s a good question, right? Why do I keep putting myself in this situation?

Every night, I pray to God to forgive my sins, especially the sin of lust. I don’t act on it, but the thoughts are still there, and I ask Him to help me stop having them. But it feels like no matter how much I pray, those thoughts keep coming back. And honestly, going to certain places that bring up old memories doesn’t help. It’s like I’m digging up things that should stay buried. But I think I’ve figured it out—maybe deep down, He knows I’m not ready to let go of those thoughts yet. He knows me better than anyone, after all. It’s kind of like someone who’s an alcoholic. They know they shouldn’t drink, but they keep going back to the bar. They know they should stop, but they don’t. I’ve been there too. I had a drinking problem for years, but I eventually cut back enough that it’s not an issue anymore. Still, if I were praying for help to stop drinking but kept going to bars every day, why would God step in? It’s like I wouldn’t really mean it.

This got me thinking about prayer in general. Why don’t our prayers always get answered the way we want? I’ve come to believe that God does answer all prayers, just not always in the way we expect. He knows what’s best for us. If we’re not sincere about what we’re asking for—if we keep doing the same things that lead us into trouble—then maybe we’re not really ready to change. Like back when I had my drinking problem, I prayed for help and asked God for a sign. He gave me one, but I misread it at first. Eventually, I realized what He was trying to tell me, and I stopped drinking for a while. But I wasn’t consistent. I didn’t pray regularly, didn’t go to church, and I wasn’t living the way I should’ve been. So I think God probably saw that I wasn’t serious about changing. I was just bargaining with Him, saying things like, “If You help me, I’ll start going to church, I’ll do this, I’ll do that.” But I didn’t follow through. Looking back, I can see that God did answer my prayer. It just took me a while to understand His message.

And now, I’m asking myself: what’s the point of praying to end my sin if I’m not ready to stop? I’ll keep praying for forgiveness, because I know He’ll forgive me, but He won’t take away the sin until I’m truly ready to let it go. So how do I get to that point? I don’t have all the answers, but one thing I can do is avoid the places that bring back those memories and thoughts. I can’t keep going down this road, reliving those moments, and expect not to feel guilty or depressed. I’ve asked God for forgiveness, and I do feel guilty about what I’ve done, but I still think about it.

So here’s the takeaway: if you want to resist temptation, it’s on you to make that choice. You have to set your mind to it and avoid the places or situations that lead you into trouble. For me, it’s tricky because I’ve traveled so much over the years. Even when I’m not expecting it, I’ll see something that triggers a memory or a thought, and I have to work on pushing it out of my mind. That’s my next goal—to stop dwelling on these thoughts, to stop thinking about this one person in particular who led me into sin. I’ll keep asking for forgiveness, and maybe then I’ll finally be able to let go of these lustful thoughts and stop offending God. Hopefully, I can start living with the end in mind: spending eternity in Heaven.