I don’t know why exactly but I feel myself sliding backwards in my faith. Whether it is because I have been out of work for a few months now or something else I feel like I an heading back towards where I spent the last too many years. I realize that God works in ways we don’t always understand, and that I must be patient. I know he has watched over me this long, protected me and giving me some signs, but still I feel myself slipping. I feel as if he is calling me to do something but I don’t know what. I think it is to help spread the Word to others in some way, to make sure others don’t make the mistakes I have made in my life, but I don’t know how He wants me to do it.
I admit I am not a “people” person. I have a hard time talking to people, not that I can’t do it when I have to, but I am better at writing than face to face conversation. Maybe that is what he is trying to get me past, to get me over my shyness, I don’t know. Maybe He has some other plan for me. I wish He would let me know.
One of my problems is I have lost my self-confidence. Not that I have ever been over filled with it, but lately I feel like I can’t do anything, like I am useless. It is like a wall I can’t climb over and I don’t have a high enough ladder. I’m sure I’ll get it back, I know I have to be patient.
As pointed out in Hebrews:
“Therefore do not throw away your confidence which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that you may do the will of God and received what is promised.” Hebrews 10:35 – 36
I know I won’t fall as far as I have in the past. I won’t go back to my very sinful ways. And I know God has my back, I just need to get over this feeling of despair and hopelessness. Not quite sure how to do it but I’ll keep looking.