It’s said that God has a plan for all of us, and I believe it. Sometimes you may not know what He is up to, or why he does what he does, but there is a plan. I think I especially wonder when bad things happen. I ask my self why? Why does God let this happen?

This week one of my older sisters passed away. She had suffered from mental illness for about forty years. It made for some tough times for us, especially when we were younger when we didn’t understand what was happening to her. And needless to say it was even tougher for my parents. Interestingly enough her illness and some of the things that went with it led to my rejection of the church, but that is water under the bridge as they say.

Why she was struck, only God knows. They say it is in the genes, so I guess it could have been any of us.

Since her passing, I have been wondering what her life would have been had she not been struck with her illness. It happened after she had graduated High School, she was unable to go any further. She worked for awhile but even that was difficult. In and out of institutions, she finally found place where they were able to help  her to eventually live on her own, with only minimum supervision.

I’ll remember her as she was, the girl in the neighborhood who always good outrun everyone else, even the boys. I’ll remember her loving the all things Beatles and how she (like fifteen million other teenage girls) was going to marry Paul. Her love of animals, especially dogs and horses, and her long, blonde hair that she had to brush at least 100 strokes a day. I have a picture of the four of us when we were quite young. She was smiling, happy, bright, that is the sister I will remember.

I only saw her sporadically in the last fifteen years, she wanted nothing to do with her family, other than one of my other sisters. She preferred to be left alone with the demons which were inside of her. At least she didn’t die alone, my sister and I were with her, I, right to the end. I asked her to forgive me and hopefully I will see her again.