Today, I’m cruising in my pickup truck, listening to an audiobook—St. Augustine’s “Confessions”—and a couple of chapters really hit me. It’s got me thinking about my past, and it feels kind of fitting that I’m driving on this particular road while listening to it. In these chapters, St. Augustine talks about how, when he was younger, he was a sinner—caught up in lust, greed, and all kinds of stuff. Honestly, it reminds me of myself back in the day. When I was around the same age he’s talking about, I was pretty much the same way.

What’s interesting is that I’m driving on the same road I used to take every day, sometimes twice a day, for work back in the early ’80s. That was probably my worst time as far as being a sinner. I was having an affair, living a very lustful life, drinking lots, just being a sinner, plain and simple. I’m wondering if this is God reminding me of those days. Every time I drive this road, I think about how bad I was. Sure, sometimes I remember the pleasure of it all and how it consumed me, which is kind of what St. Augustine talks about in his Confessions. He ignored his inner voice and kept doing things he knew were wrong, just like I did. Over time, it felt like the devil had taken over, and I kept going further down the wrong path.

This has me thinking about how God sends us messages, answers prayers, and how we try to figure out what He wants us to do. I’ve decided to explore this more, to see if I can really understand God’s will and what He’s saying to me. I know there have been times in the past, like now, when I’ve felt like He’s sending me a message. And there have been other moments, like back in the mid-’80s, when He answered a prayer of mine. (I’ve written about that before—there’s probably a blog post somewhere about the “door story.”) That was the moment I realized I wasn’t on the right path.

This might be a bit of a spoiler if you check out that post, but things didn’t exactly go as planned—either my plan or God’s plan. The main reason is that I misread the sign. It actually took me years to figure out the meaning behind the sign He gave me. Anyway, I’m kind of getting off track here. Like I said, I’ve had signs and prayers answered in different ways, but now I’m wondering—how do I really know if the signs I’m getting are from God and not, you know, from Satan?

One way I’ve gotten signs is through dreams. If you’re curious, you can download a free book I wrote about my dream experience – “A Light for my Path”. That dream was a huge turning point for me—it helped me figure out what I needed to do with my life and brought me back to the Church and to God. How can I be sure that the dream was from God? One reason I think it was is that the message was good—it felt spiritual and positive, not something that would come from Satan. I’ve already written about that, so I won’t go into too much detail here.

But here’s what I’ve been thinking: how do I know when God answers my prayers? And another thing—if God already knows what we want before we even ask, why do we need to pray? Why can’t we just accept what He gives us? I mean, Jesus tells us to ask and we’ll receive, but He also says God knows what we need before we ask. So, is prayer essential? These are the kinds of questions I think about when I’m driving around in my truck.

I want to explore this whole topic more—like, is there a best way to pray? How can we figure out God’s will for us? How do we know when something is really coming from Him? I’ve read that God is always talking to us, through angels and other ways, letting us know His will and what we should be doing. But how do we listen? And when we do listen, how can we be sure it’s Him? These are the things I want to dive into more—reading, studying, and really trying to understand. (Sounds like a table of contents for a book.)

That brings up another question: can we read and study too much? Is it possible to get overwhelmed with information? Maybe that’s part of my problem—perhaps I’m overthinking things because I read too much. And I’m not just talking about scripture, which is obviously a good thing. I also read a lot of other materials, including writings from the Church fathers, apostles, saints, and contemporary authors. However, sometimes, all these different perspectives don’t completely align. I mean, they’re unified in the big picture, but some differences can be confusing.

So, I think this is the start of a new journey for me—really trying to figure out God’s will, what He wants from me, and how I should go about it. Is there a best way to do this? I don’t know yet, but I’m going to dig into it and see where it leads. Stick around, and we’ll figure it out together.

But I knew it not; and ran headlong with such blindness, that amongst my equals I was ashamed of a less shamelessness, when I heard them boast of their flagitiousness, yea, and the more boasting, the more they were degraded: and I took pleasure, not only in the pleasure of the deed, but in the praise. What is worthy of dispraise but vice

Augustine, Saint, Bishop of Hippo. 1996. The Confessions of St. Augustine. Translated by E. B. Pusey. Oak Harbor, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc.