While at church this morning I was thinking back about the past week and all that has gone on in my life. Some bad things have happened but through them comes good. The major problem this week is one of our two vehicles has decided it has had enough and the rear end needs to be replaced. I don’t have the money to repair it or replace it. Now back a few years ago, okay, maybe six months ago, this would have been a serious problem, but now that I know I have friends in “high” places I am not quite as down as I could be.
Why? Because I know God has my back. How do I know? All comes down to that whole praying for a sign of some kind thing again.
For about the last two weeks I have been thinking about going back into business for myself. I did it before, and would have done better, should have done better, had I paid attention more. After thinking a lot about the whole thing I know where I went wrong and what I should have done differently. For about the last 8 or 9 years I have also been struggling with depression, not serious but bad enough, which didn’t help the business or my situation at home.
So through my nightly conversation with God, I don’t refer to it as prayer as it is more of a conversation, I asked God to help me out. I admitted that I haven’t been all that ambitious, suffering form a malaise for some unexplained reason, and that I needed some guidance. When I have asked for guidance before, He has never let me down, and this time was no different.
Thirty years ago I left my father’s business. Since then I have had a recurring dream, where I returned to his small grocery store (closed when I left) and everything I had changed, for what I thought was for the good, was gone and everything was done as it was before I had taken it over. I never understood what this dream was about, I would have the same dream quite frequently, with a few differences, but it was always the same, I would ask why things were back as they were, and I was always told it was because I was no longer there.
This week, after I prayed for some guidance on whether I should go back into business, I had the dream again, but this time it was different. This time I had come back, and things were changed but instead of turning me away, I was welcomed back and was again running the business. Why the change? What did it mean? As normal it took me a day to figure it out, but when you drive all day you have plenty of time to ponder. It was the sign I asked for. God was telling me it was time for me to go back into business, that I had learned where I went wrong and what I needed to do this time.
A old friend of mine’s Mother passed away this week as well. Even though this friend was more of a friend to my ex-wife and I haven’t really seen her or talked to her since the divorce ten years ago, the wake hit me really hard. I thought about all the wasted years where I rejected God and Jesus. I turned to Satan through sin, yet never once did God or Jesus turn away from me.
I know I am not perfect, I know I have a long way to go, I know I am in for a struggle, but I know that I can do it, because they have my back. They will never let me fail, even in my worst times, the days when I drank, they never let me get past the point of no return.
I have no idea where the money I need to replace my vehicle with one I can use in my business will come from, but I know it will work out, and I know it will succeed. The cloud is slowly lifting and I can see the light.
And by the way, when I am driving and pondering, it is best to get out of the way.