I have a confession to make, I haven’t been to confession this Lent. In fact, I haven’t been having a good Lent at all. I haven’t fasted, I haven’t abstained from anything, I’ve missed Mass and I haven’t done any extra prayers. The funny thing is if I ever needed God in my life more than ever, it is now.
It has been a long, cold, snowy, hard winter and it shows no sign of letting up. Freelance work is extremely slow in coming. I am still trying to get my unemployment, and frankly no one wants to hire someone who is closer to sixty than he is to fifty. Part of the problem is that all I have really done for the last 15 years or so has driven various trucks. Yes I ran my own business for awhile, and those skills can certainly help me, but I just don’t know what I want to do, other than write. But writing isn’t paying the rent.
I haven’t given up on God, in fact, I probably trust Him more than ever. Even with all I have done in the past He is still with me, frustrated with me I am sure, but still here. I guess I am still waiting for that God moment, where He somehow sends me a message telling me this is what you need to do.
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want; 2 he makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters; 3 he restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
I know that the Lord is my shepherd and as long as I trust in Him, I will be alright. He will guide me and make sure I get through this.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil; for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.
No matter how rough things get, no matter how bumpy the path, I will make it through. And I am comforted knowing He is there.
Lead me, O Lord, in thy righteousness because of my enemies; make thy way straight before me.
As I look back over the past few years, I realize, even though right now I am in somewhat of a spiritual drought, I have come a long way. I have a long way to go, but I have come a long way. I haven’t given up, crawled into a hole with a bottle or two and I have plugged along every day, doing my best to keep moving forward.
Today is Good Friday. Just around this time is when Jesus was carrying His cross, where he would be nailed to it. He never gave up, He never turned away, even though He very well could have. He accepted His fate and the pain He would go through. What I am going through is nothing compared to that, not even close.
Like Jesus, I need to continue moving forward, one step at a time, no matter what adversities I face, no matter what pain I am in.
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